Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
