We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
