I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
