You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
should my penis look like a turkey
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize