Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
