she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
