My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
