if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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