After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
