You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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