every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
