She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
