First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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