Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
