I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
