Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
