At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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