I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
