apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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