'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
