dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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