dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
