the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
