I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
