the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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