nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
