the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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