I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
