Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
