i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
