is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize