u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
