WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
