she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
