Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
