textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
