But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
