I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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