my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
