So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you guys were way drunker than both of me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
