If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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