Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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