if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
