I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
