I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
