Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
