You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
