I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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