Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
