"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
