she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
