It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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