I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
