Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
