Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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