don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
