She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
