Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
