I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
