i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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