i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
