Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
