He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Found your dick twin last night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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