if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
