i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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