I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
