sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
