i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My ATM looks so different sober.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
