bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
