just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize