Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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