i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
