Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
