I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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