I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
