i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
