you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
