Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize