Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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