Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
