I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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