I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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