Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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