I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
