You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
