i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
