If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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