Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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