I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
