My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
