im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
