Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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