Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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