Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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