dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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