just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
