Farmville is her only friend.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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