Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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