Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
